Jimsy Jampots #162 - Scramble
In which I overload my brain, and make iced coffee
Things I think
I’ve found it really hard to know what to write this week. My drafts folder is full of snippets of things I started then gave up on, fully finished and edited newsletters I thought better of sending, and essays that I’ve put a pin in for now in order to rework into something decent later, when my brain feels less like a plate of scrambled eggs. If I was sensible I wouldn’t have sent a newsletter at all, but I don’t want to break the streak: I’ve somehow remembered that I can write, and along with it I’m finally making decent progress on another book, and I’m worried that if I break this rule I’ve set myself - that Wednesday is newsletter day - then it’ll be another five years before I manage to get momentum back and write anything else again.
Part of the scramble is due to the fact I started therapy this week, and that’s always a bit of a head fuck. This time, however, is especially brutal. Previously when I’ve had counselling or therapy it’s been because although my life is fine, my head is messy and I’ve needed help straightening it out. I’ve also, obviously, had scenarios where life is messy but my head is fine, so I’ve been able to rationally think things through and get everything back on track. Now, however, both my life and my head are messy, so I’m trying to fix one while straightening up the other and it’s bloody hard doing both at the same time - especially when it has to be done alongside the day-to-day of childcare, household admin, and generally existing as a human being in the world with responsibilities to myself and others.
My new therapist, Julie, is also probably the bluntest woman in the whole entire world. It will be very effective long-term, but short term, ooof. She asks direct, gut-punch questions that leave me feeling slightly winded before I’m able to gather myself enough to respond, and any time she senses me put a wall up in response to a topic she smashes it right back down again rather than politely letting me hide behind it. My previous therapists have taken my hand and led me gently through the thorny maze of my own brain to find resolution at the centre, whereas this one seems more keen on shoving me off the edge of a cliff and making sure she’s there to catch me before I hit the ground.
But, like I said, things are messy at the moment, and I think the only way to really get through a messy, painful situation is to go straight through it. I’ve been encouraged to get this particular bout of therapy by basically everyone I’ve had a medium-to-long conversation with in the last two months, so Julie’s very direct approach is probably the best one for me: if there’s a shortcut to sorting my shit out I’m happy to take it, even if it does mean getting emotionally battered for an hour every Monday for the next few months and having my brain feeling like roadkill for a few days afterwards.
It’s not great for the writing of newsletters, though. And alongside all of this I was recently promoted so am now managing two entirely new teams in areas I haven’t worked on before, as well as getting some final bits for the PS5 port in, which is obviously wonderful and I’m thrilled to be doing it, but learning lots of new things while doing all the other stuff my poor brain is slightly overloaded. I’m bringing back allllll of the old coping mechanisms - bullet journaling for task management, writing brain dumps for emotions management, and I’m even going swimming tonight for the first time in ages - and managing to keep it going, just about. But please forgive me a slightly meandering newsletter today, and I promise I’ll try to write about something proper next week.
(And get therapy, if you think you might need it. It’s hard, but it’s worth it)
Bonus recipe - iced coffee
Bloody hot, innit? I don’t do well in the hot weather - for one thing, I’m Welsh, for another I have a body built for snuggling up on a sofa under a blanket while it pours with rain outside, not one for doing anything with when it’s above 24C - but I’m getting through it with copious amounts of iced coffee. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realise I can just make iced coffee at home rather than waiting until I’m passing a Costa, so I wanted to share this with you all in case any of you are as stupid as I am.
Brew some coffee. If you’ve got fancy equipment, you want a double shot of espresso. If you’ve got instant, use a teaspoon of instant coffee and about 60ml of water
Fill a tall cup with ice. No, seriously, fill it, all the way to the top
Pour the coffee over the ice
Add milk. You want about 150ml milk, but I usually just fill the cup up at that point and if it’s too strong/weak I adjust the amounts of milk and coffee next time
Variations
If you want to add sugar, I do a teaspoon stirred into the hot coffee before I pour it over the ice
Similarly, if you want to add syrup (vanilla, caramel etc) then add it to the coffee rather than pouring it over separately, else you end up with very strongly flavoured ice-cubes but unflavoured coffee
However, if you want an iced mocha, you need to mix however much powder your hot chocolate says you need to use for one serving with a splash of freshly boiled water in order to make a loose paste, then stir in the rest of the milk, and pour that over ice and coffee
Side note: buying an ice-cube tray with a flexible silicone base a few years ago was lifechanging, or at least summer-changing
Second side note: straws are optional, but they make you feel fancy.
Things I like
Taron has started reading longer books (The Queen’s Nose and Fortunately, the Milk…) so Garry made him a cute mermaid tail bookmark. I, obviously, immediately asked for a bookmark of my own and he made me this lovely zip one. If you want one, DM him on Instagram, they’re £8 apparently. And the book I’m reading is a proof of Probably Nothing by Lauren Bravo and it’s excellent, you should pre-order.
Think I might have found the best biscuits in the world? It’s these. M&S do a version that are pretty damn special too, but these are the best.
Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear from you, if you fancy saying hi. See you next week?
Love, Amy xxx
Agree those biscuits are The Official Best. xx
Hello hello lovely friend lovely as always to read your writing x